Gassho

When you bring your left palm and right palm together, that is what we call a Gassho. But do you really see the true meaning behind? That left ourselves to think about it.

For many of the religions and culture, they often have the same hand language (Gassho) when rituals are carried out. They say, this particular gesture actually complete one into a cycle, making you more perfect at the moment where you can find peace and concentration. But to me, Gassho is a totally different story, as I'm a free-thinker, sorry to say..

When two palms are closed together, what would we see? Perhaps you can try to do it now? =) Well, some might say they see complete darkness, some might say nothing at all, some might even say "what's the purpose for doing this so?" Actually, it's not just about what you see with your raw eye, but what you can interpret with the eye of your heart.Well, from my point of view, I do see pitch black in between them too, but I see more..

When they are closed together, it's complete darkness, you can see nothing in it just like a sense of insecure. But wait, try to feel it with your senses, can you feel the warm that is starting to build up in between? It's true, there might be darkness in everything, yet there is always something worthwhile within it. Why not from the view of doing things? When you carry out events, activities or even studies (like what I'm still doing now), true, there would be hardships and even times when you feel you want to give up, as things seems to be an endless darkness where you don't know when can you stop your footstep or just taking a break, but hold on and wait for it, you will get the ripen fruit when the time comes, just like the warm building up between your palms.

Now, imagine you are the right palm and your friend is the left palm, form a Gassho. What can you see and what do you feel? Complete darkness might mean insecure and problems, but what I see is infinite possibility, as when you can't see anything, that means anything could happen isn't it? Be optimistic at all time makes everything that looks bad no longer in such way anymore. It's just the story of whether the glass of water is half empty or half full right? True, when two comes together, there will be conflict and arguments for sure, it's something we can't run away from it if two of you truly are friends, close relatives, couples or others. But there's always something more, just like the warm in between your hands, you would feel the presence of them in your life makes you feel secured and complete.

It's all about the mindset I guess, when we try to spend more time in thinking and interpreting some things, there might be something promising and delighting, better than what we can possibly imagine. Life is tough, but won't be tough if we have the correct way of thinking. =)

Lol, I didn't expect I can actually discuss so much just by a simple hand gesture. By the way, I hope my broke English ain't too broken, haha.. >.<

Mask

Well, last day of my holiday d.. I guess I'm still on holiday mood and don't really feel like going back for study and have my papers. Studying sounds so fake to me. Hahaz. Indeed, I tried to study but can't really get things into my mind. Guess I still have things to be worried about. It would be really long time from my future update already, so i guess i would do it now since I still have the chance to do so.

People do grow up ya know, and when you grow older, you would realize you will think more. Old, what defines a person getting old? An uncle that is 60 years old, but can still live till 100 years old, is that considered old? For he still have another 40 more years to be spent. But if I can only live till 25 years old and I'm already 19 years old, am I old? Hm.. Well, guess things really just goes as how do you think about it. 'MINDSET', ha ha! What I used to tell my friends in the college. The point is, everyone will be old, if you have little more years to go on with, so what's the point to get your own life so tiring?

My senior once told me, everyone's born with a mask, it's meant to be there, so you can't deny not possessing it. But what does really matters is do you put it on? It is normal I think, for it is a way for a person to protect oneself, sort of like a defend mechanism. Putting it on time would means saving your life or bringing better life. I guess that's why my mom told me before that I would not survive easily in this world that is full of people with masks. Hm.. I wonder, did I ever put on my mask before? Not showing my true self to others? I probably did, but as far as I concern, the last time must be when i started to think more deeply, or maybe more mature. When people bring on their masks, it's even worse than poker face, for this mask can perform lots of expressions without feeling tired at all. And the person? Hiding under the mask i guess.

Sometimes, there are things that really happen not just as what you wanted it to be, situations do take place. I often try to tell others my thoughts (when I feel comfortable to tell with), but guess sometimes the message aren't really sent to completely. There are times that when coincidence or misunderstandings. There are even times that many things saying you being wrong when you are not to (in truth), hard to believe? Believe it, for it does happens on me. I guess hearing and asking, is it really that trustful? That's why I don't really completely trust people, for I trust only to myself, I only believe what that is come into my eye, if people tells me about it, I would just listen and analyze, but proving it by my own eyes, by being in the scene that took place. Who knows some of them are wearing masks for the moment?

Had been really busy recently, coco activities, dancing practices, studies and some personal issues. Dancing is what I enjoy the most actually, even though it comes with lots of bruises, well that's my trophies i guess. Mentally and physically tired? Indeed I am, and I guess the mental is the worst part. There are many things that's been torturing my thoughts, making me thinking things that don't need to be thought in the first place. Speaking truth? Yeah, I do, always do. But it just comes with price I guess. Been a peer counselor had grant me a skill, to more or less read what people is really thinking. But I don't like to use it, especially with my important ones. That's why I often end up the one that's really worn out for trying to carry on while still have no idea what people are really thinking. I want to know badly!! Really am. But I choose to know it when people really wants to tell me so.

Without the shielding mask, I often end up showing my emotions to everyone, which is why I often get myself alone when I feel really down. Releasing all of my negative aura to somewhere else before going back. So who knows, I might actually be really down, hurt or actually crying in my heart without you knowing when I'm talking with you with a big smile? There are people that is concerned of me and always willing to hear my thoughts and share my problem with. But I guess, I'm not that kind of person. For I have a strong feeling that when I tell others, it won't really help the situation, but actually making them worried or causing trouble to others. Yeah, I like to rely on others when I know I'm not capable to so so much stuffs, but I dislike sharing my negative aura to others.. Don't want anyone around me to be troubled because of me (although it often end up unsuccessful.

People sometimes doubt what I say, or how many truth is within it, but I can tell you all, this is how my without mask life is:

I say it cuz I mean it, I mean it cuz it's true.

Age

Well, times do passes quickly. In a blink of an eye, my first semester in matriculation college had gone. (Its not really long actually, just half of a year) And things do happens, and i felt things that should happen within my range of age had took place. Sounds pretty 'uncle' huh? But i guess that's just me, always over think and tend to make others think that i have a mature thought. (seriously, I'm not)

Hmm.. First thing I realized after so many years of studies and reading. I actually am someone that can only study well under pressure! Whenever the stress comes to me, somehow i will get a lot more productive than usual. Its really proven when i actually manage to learn my physic from chapter 6-15 in just one week of time. Where it was actually taught for 3 months to the students. Oh, sorry but I have to admit here. I never do pay attention in classes. I would prefer to sleep during lecture classes and carry out my self-studies later on. It sounds unfair to the lecturers, but sad to say, that's my style of study. No worries, as i will definitely meet them back in the office to ask them teach me all over again. Hahz. Well, i guess from now on, my studies can only come in one way, get a lot of stress within myself and stay up more. From here, I would rather warn my friends first, I'm the kind that will show my feelings on my expressions, so sorry if you're freaked out when you see me later. If anyone out there says i shouldn't torture me in this way, there's better way of studies and so on.. Sorry but I have to stick to my style as I know myself best and I know if I don't give a 200%, my dream of getting 4 flat and becoming a general specialist will stay as a dream forever.

My friends said you shouldn't stay up so late even if your young and my relatives said you can stay up late because you're still young.. Hmm... Who should i listen to? But I guess it actually doesn't depends on anyone's hand for my physical and mental fitness belong to myself while I know the best way to handle them. For the highest record I had for staying up for studies? Staying up until 7am in the morn and sleep for 3 hours before going back to studies. It sounds crazy (it is), but that is my only solution. As I'm not as smart as others plus I'm more lazy than others, guess I can only do so in order to catch up with others in the studies. I admit I'm not intelligent enough as others, so i guess I need to spend more time on my studies compared to others then.. Hahz.. To anyone that's worried about me out there, no worries kay? Because for only a reason, "I'M NOT DEAD YET!!"

Love is something funny. It crazes you around before throwing you back in the garbage bin to find your own garbage back. Why would I say so? As to me, love is something that you find back your own belongings. Your belongings was thrown into the garbage bin and you need to look for it. My belongings are in the garbage bin for i think the relationships i have will come with lots of troubles and challenges. Which tend to make things tangled and dirty, where you don't where to start with. But it is beautiful when you got the right one, as she/he being the truly one is nothing better than being born to this world.

How I have lived through without her I don't know, but what I know is with her I can become immortal, face any challenges without any anxiety for I know she is supporting me from behind. She will help me to stand back up after I had fall down. She had felt so close and yet so far to me. For she is so reachable and unreachable at the same time. Maybe I'm just a dumb ass for had fallen to her, causing trouble to both sides, but what I know is, She is that piece of puzzle that was lost in my life. She showed me life and what life should be. And all the times when she's not around, I just want her more.If I could ever be her superman, I'll fly her to stars and back again. There are no words usable to paint a picture of her. Her eyes, it's as if she's from some other world. She's so beautiful...

And when comes to my age, lots of problems pops out on its own. I guess I just have to endure it no matter what. Even if the world ends by 2012 or even tomorrow, I would still plant an apple tree today...

Em0!?

Well, since my lecturer always insisted on brushing up my skills on using English, so decided to write my blog for the first time in this language.

And there goes half of my semester in kmm, weird and odd... As when I come to think of it, everything seems to happened in just a blink of an eye... I'm not so sure why, but i just can't really see the sense of enjoying the life here.... Sorry...

Guess it's just my personal emotional control akills, as things happen here.. Trust me, a lot of stuffs take place here... It's sort of like a curse or just the reality? Whenever there's people, there would be rumors and scandals. I just don't see the sense on keep on repeating the same thing over and over again... I'm getting tired of it.. But others seem to be kind of drown in the enjoyment. Thus, I wouldn't say anything anymore.. As long as you all are enjoying it, I guess that worth it. Most of the time, happiness can only be built on the suffering and displease of someone.

Though my past time experiences tell me that there's no people that is totally same from outer to inner, or phenotype to genotype. haha.... However, I still can't stand to see such persons persist in my sight of view. What sort of people? Well... I'm not really allowed to say such things out, but think of someone that actually disgust you just by merely ignoring you. We're meant to help each other, bringing things to a better result. But I wonder why? This person seems to ignore me whenever I'm trying to do my part of role, others may not see it, but I can see it clearer than ever.
Oh, one thing. The feeling of getting ignored is really really really bad. Trust me, I'm currently in the situation, I know the taste rather well. This sort of ignore is like, quite complicated to explain bah...

I'm exhausted, trying to get the set of mind into everyone, that I'm unavailable!!! Scandals are indeed something that can only persist whenever there's two person involved, but it's unfair to the ones involved! I'm okay with it actually, getting nagged or gossiped on me and who who who... But please think about it ladies and gentlemen, what about the girl? Everyone knows that name of a girl is far too precious to be gossiped on merely I would say rather 'bad' words. Note, I'm actually trying to talk polite here...

Issues do happen, it can be bad or good, but it depends on that particular person involved in the situation. In the same situation, it may be good for A, but would be really bad for B. And i guess that i often end up in the 'B' position... HAHz....

改变

多久没更新了？貌似再不写些什么，我都快要忘记我是个非土著了。哈哈。。
这短暂的日子里，发生的事情实在是太多太多了。也不知该从哪说起好呢？嘛，就随便聊几句呗。

来到了马六甲，在这里升学，一切都如幻影般发生得实在太快太快。嗯，要怎么说好呢？只能说我改变了。变得没有那么执着，变得更加独立，变得更需要朋友，变得更体魄结实，还有变瘦了！！哈哈。

没有那么执着？嗯，大概是感情方面吧。觉得这种东西是合则来，不合则散吧。当然我是不会应许’‘散’这个字出现于我的感情世界里啦，因为我把这种东西看得很重。如果不是认真的话，何必开始？她会有很多追求者么？不知道。只是知道我貌似被俘虏了。哈哈。我不会太执着了，觉得这种东西是‘缘’来时就有，‘分’无时便没有。那缘分这种巧妙的玩意，我究竟有没有呢？哈哈，看着办吧。她会理解我想表达的真正意思 么？不过我觉得她不会看得懂啦，因为我也不太理解我在倾诉什么，哈！

独立！？这是肯定的。在这里，比以往更难回家，更难与爱犬玩个两玩。啊!我的枕头啊！我觉得‘独立’这个名词似乎与我不太合衬哩，哈哈。不过，说时迟,那时快。我现在已当上了这里的学生代表哦！不过也多得大家的鼎力相助啦，小弟在此谢过了！

朋友这种东西，一开始还觉得没啥必要的，可在这边，那是个不可或缺的事物！因为朋友，我才勉勉强强的在这稳住阵脚，继续向前冲刺。大家对我都很好，没有对我的自恋癖感到反感，哈哈。不过我真的没骗你们啊，我以前班上的同学都叫我校草啊！只是哪一种草，就见仁见智吧。

变瘦这单事，我也不要说太多了。你们以后再与我相遇时就明了啦！

只是有件事我不得不提，就是，当你察觉到人性的丑陋时，你会猛然察觉，自己也貌似是一分子了。我也不知道，只是觉得自己丑陋的一面近来有些明显，是妒忌？猜忌？压力？我也不太晓得啦。。

归家

这一是个如此麻木的课题了，经常在担心着究竟这个星期、下个星期、下下个星期……归家显得不再如此重要，我明白这样说法十分自私，对家里人也十分不公平，可我就是心里藏着这份情感，这份已结痂的情感。

与朋友告别？抱歉，那对我来说是个艰巨的任务。因我知道，一次的告别，可能就是一生的告别。你一定说还有面子书、推特啊！我也理解自己是个多笨的笨蛋，可这种通过网际网络，无法亲眼、亲身相见的联络方式，显得如此的飘忽，如此的虚假，我无法接受。

每次归家，就会深深祈祷，但愿这并不是我们最后一次的分离。可以的话，真希望我们永远都不会分离。虽然听起来似乎是十分脑残的想法，可这也是我希望的黑夜彩虹。

在渺茫的人海之中，能够认识对方是个天赐的缘分。想想看，世界上每一秒就有一个人诞生、每五秒就有一个人离世。这种缘分，是可遇不可求的。以后的事情交给上天决定？我才不要，自己的命运由自己的双手主宰，不是依赖外人的。

每每归家，想到这也许是你、我、他最后一次相聚在一起，以后的人生各有各走，我的心，仿佛丢进了绞肉机里，模糊不堪，鲜血淋漓。这，是我期望的么?我不晓得。我只知道，我们之间的这一份缘分，貌似无法再持续下去了。分离，已是大局已定。

我不敢面对，深怕泪框的决堤，倾泻下来的泪水，让我显得一点都不帅！哈哈……

只是深深期望，这次的归家后，还有下一次的归家、下下一次的归家。希望我这痴人说梦话的愿望，有得以实现的一天。可能它不会发生，但我还有一个小小的要求，只是希望你们这帮损友，能够把那个死胖子笨蛋的名字留于你心中。那当我们在这人海茫茫中有幸能够再度碰面的话，尽管的叫我吧。而我的回答一定是久违的，

啊哈！！

努力

小时憧憬的大学生涯不知不觉都已过了两个星期。常听人们说，这生涯有多美好、多么自由。我个人觉得，还挺狗屁不通的（抱歉，有点粗俗）也带出了我有多么的不认同这个观点。

出外靠朋友，反而是最常用到的一句。短短两个星期，便已了解到友达的重要性。没有了他们的相助，我可能早崩溃了吧？洗衣服、准备课业、解决食宿，貌似都会和某些人扯上关系。最可靠的莫过于和我一起从怡保至此的两位死党，虽然不同课程，可我也受到了他们不少的帮助。还有同课程的朋友们，也是我能撑得下去的理由之一。（该说撑么？？）
注：有男有女啦。

在这里，最觉得厌恶的便是“专科数学”！！我也不明白为什么，就是讨厌面对这些加减乘除、阿拉伯数字。见了就昏。

有时我也想过，既然我那么的厌恶，即证明这科不适合我吧！老是反复地做些无聊事，也太没有意义了。这事我当然知道啊！就算那些萍水相逢的人不和我说，也早有许多人和我说过了。反正我就是没有才能嘛！但，我不愿放弃，因为我不甘心哪！落于人后、被人舍弃，为自身的无力而咬紧双唇，在这逐流中连自己的存在价值都不复存在......

那我努力些不就得了么？才能？那种东西对我来说太矫情了。要是我没有的话，那我只要用其他东西来代替不就得了。只有为了实现梦想而努力去拼搏的人，才能感受到那份付出所带来的幸福。我也没必要再找借口了，我只需拼命做到自己满足就够了。

如此一来，即便仍会失败————
也要比总满是藉口、靠耍小聪敏度日子的人生来得更有意义！
因为，我想让自己成为更优秀的人！

离世

考试加工作，几乎无法抽出更新的时间了。可万万也没想过，更新是因为这种原因。
人生企得常年少？这百听不腻的一句，用以劝勉人珍惜青春，也同时意味着珍惜生命。人的离去，可以毫无预兆地发生，很突然、很惊讶......明明早在前几天才与他搭上了数句话，可却......

心理准备？这种东西些许都没有！我，思索了许久，究竟要怎么处理，可貌似我还太年轻了......

亲人们在崩溃与接收的临界点不断的徘徊，而自己什么都做不到，让我深深察觉到自己的无能。大家都正为他的离去感到痛心疾首，而我没有夺眶而流，只是默默地站在灵牌照跟前。
我感到无助，心里那股落寞感，那块空虚，无法填补。

在此，我向亲友们致敬！因为从中我看见了大家的坚强！
哭？废话！有人会不为自己的亲人的离去感到伤痛么？大家为他的离世忙得不可开交，几乎已是不眠了。脸上的泪痕没有一刻是干的，可大家，还是忍着伤痛，撑着、努力着。因大家都知道，如果自己先崩溃了，那其他人怎么办？大家都意识到自己的角色，一个不可倒下、不可请假的角色...

然而，我有时会开始想，人类还真是麻烦呐，怎么那么容易心里便产生了空隙？人生祸福相依，好坏发生机率明明都是50/50。但是大家都只着眼坏事，为什么要特地去变得不幸呢？坦然接收不就可以了么？事情届时也会迎刃而解。（因为我貌似留不下眼泪）
可想想，应该正好相反，大家都在追逐着幸福。为了能够更加幸福，为了能够成就超越如今的自己，于是无法做到的时候，就会感到失落。
并非是想变得不幸，而是正因为想得到幸福，才会苦恼、失落...

为什么呢？大家对于现在的自己无法满足么？大概是大家心里都想更上一层楼吧......

昔时

一名知名的政治家曾说过：

“ 天不生人上之人，也不生人下之人。”

我说，他应该清楚地在后面加上一句，：

“如果真是这样就好了。”

那只是他的愿望而已。

世间看似只要付出努力、汗水，成功便是近在眼前。实际上，它有人们说的那么靠近、也有人们说的那么遥远。看看史上成功的人士，有哪个不是因为他们拥有才华呢？
可能你会说因为他们很努力啊！
可你试想，如果你像他们那般努力，可以达到他们的伟绩么？可以是可以，很渺茫就是了。爱因斯坦的时间论、爱迪生的灯泡、莱氏兄弟的飞机、达文西的画作......全都是因为他们的天资关系。
在学校，同学们的成绩高低、课外表现等。全都早已定下了。社会上的优秀人士，是在校成绩好的人，地位高低早已成形。

所以就算出了社会，生活也只是现在的延续罢了。

这是血统问题。父母优秀，所以儿女也聪明。这虽然是很单纯的想法，不过是可以套用在每个人身上的。孕育我们的不是上天而是父母，打从出生的那瞬间起，就注定因为父母的关系，造成自己的能力跟别人的差距。我不想给父母亲添麻烦，不想被别人朝笑成足不出户。因此，虽然在家对着电脑荧幕大电脑比较轻松，但我还是会乖乖去学校上课。

乏味的未来，连活着都觉得麻烦。
这就是我随波逐流，受人摆布了16年的人生观。

相识

近来很累，很累，真的很累。

考试、比赛、朋友。许许多多的事情都夸张地不如意。心里有许许多多的感慨，可也意识到千言万语也无法将内心的彷徨、无助道出。
近期参加了全国的比赛，本想说可把奖杯带回，让校长可以光荣退休的，没想到我背负着的霹雳州的荣耀给我败光了。回到来，因为我临场比赛时作出的未经许可的决定，让关于我的流言蜚语广泛地流传，如果不是一位倍受我敬仰的老师告诉我，我想至今我都还蒙在鼓里。
我的世界也不复从前的美好了。身边朋友给予的支持与鼓励，的确是让我重新爬起来的原因。

与 你的相识，要从何时说起呢？没错的话，大概是在中四的时候呗。不知你有否意识到我的存在就是了。和你有稍微熟络起来，应该是上半年的比赛对不？当时与你稍 微有接触，了解到你是个多么拥有才干的人。本来想说与你的接触就此告一段落了。可冥冥之中，事情自必有它的安排。你为了一些公务上的事件，从朋友那取得了 我的联络方法，而我也和你开始联系起来了。

近期许许多多不如意的事件，的确是有跌跛双腿，再也爬不起来的觉悟了。不知你是否相信，可我切 切实实的体会到，是你的慰问、陪伴，将我从深谷给踢出来。能再站起来的感觉好好哦，可觉得自己有点增磅就对了（笑）。和你之间的联络貌似不知不觉间密切了 起来，我与你共享的私事，好像挺多的哩。有一次，我带了手提去学校，为的是能够和你通信。班上的白痴们就在那说些有的没的（没给他们知道是谁啦）。可有点 奇怪哩，我听他们说的东西并不讨厌哩。和你的相识，是我最不感到后悔的一件事。想想，大概是我前几世，不知从哪修来的福分哩！

我们之间的距离、如同古董钟的分、秒针，时而接近，时而远离，可也将有重叠于一起的时刻。但也要看命运之钥匙，会否将这发条给重新上紧吧。

嗯......你现在正做着些什么呢？

太久没有写部落格了，给朋友说你开来干啥的啊？我说啊，真的是没有时间写嘛，你想我怎样？这次就写个长篇大论吧！


华语
有人和我提及，“你用英文来写不累吗？”这个问题让我有愣住了一会。我怎么没有考虑过用英文来写呢？但不用太久，我便有了答案。因为华语是我的母语!!不错，是我的母语。在无法广泛应用华语的马来西亚（有点政治味道XP〕当然要尽可能的使用所给予的机会啦！但这个时候我需要澄清一点，很多人都提出过我是不是很喜欢华语。在这，我欲说'不是'！不是说我讨厌，只是也没有特别喜欢。华语就单单是我生活的一部分，如此而已。并没有多特别。但有一件事不得不提，有好几位朋友因为上了中六，少了使用母语写字的机会，但也仍然勇于尝试、我阿鱼说：“佩服你们啦！”


越野赛跑
这是学校所举办的，每一般都一定要有人参加。很多人想避之则吉。但我主动地表格上填了我的名字。赛跑还没开始，就想说要不要退出呢？还来得及啊。我可不想再落在最尾端，跑完又要给人笑啊。对，你没看错。我以前的确是跑后面算起来比较快的。但这次应该不同吧，毕竟我也在这两年间，减去了20公斤。结果不就硬着头皮上场了。5KM的距离，说短不短，说长不长。跑得有点上气不接下气，可至少没有停过，还算是好事。结果来到终点，当然是拿不到奖啦，但也跑到了第30至40，尚算不错啦。以前好几个体能比我好的也跑在了我后面，感动!!本来很开心的，却发生了大家都没想到的意外（不是撞车死人啦〕只是好友学勤兄因为之前拉伤了筋还强迫自己跑，结果来到终点时脚抽筋得特厉害。虽然之后没事，但以后还是不要勉强自己了。阿TO0nG的精神，绝对值得我们去学习啦！


全霹雳辩论比赛
全霹雳辩论比赛的总决赛，太平华联对垒圣母国中。
两家都是强队，不相伯仲。这天很荣幸，因为可以有机会和佩萤一起同台主持这项隆重的比赛。主持当儿，发生了很多小插曲，搞得有点手忙脚乱，但幸亏也如常进行。主持当儿，闹了不少笑话，笑得我啊，差点笑破肚皮。至与闹什么笑话，最好还是问问佩萤姐比较好吧！^^比赛的过程，我不太会形容，只能说，没有想象中那么精彩。公布成绩之际，大家都十分紧张，我就特地带大家游花园，让他们心如焦焚，气氛十分热烈（老师之后告诉我，幸好没有人上来打我哩！〕成绩公布，胜者是太平华联。一整天的疲劳加起来真累人。可最开心的莫过于有机会和 ASTRO AEC著名主持（亚太区亚太赛亚军^^〕颜江翰真人拍照了。虽然我哥哥认识他，但见到他真人，还是第一次。有点荣幸就是啦！

十字
我从没信过任何宗教，不是我 鄙视任何宗教，只是我觉得我没有这个必要而已。家里的教导是，如果你要信奉哪个宗教都没问题，只要你觉得开心就好。家里就是这么开明。学校也有很多这些宗 教学会，基督教、天主教、佛教......我没参与...虽然没有信仰，但最近读到了基督教里的一些事情。圣职者，是为祈求并饶恕人的罪孽，而愿意自身走上， 背负苦难的路。我没有如此伟大，但也希望你可以安心地离去......架上十字在颈上，已经两个星期了.....你的尾七也过了一段时间......应该已经安心的离开了 吧？虽然我不知道可不可以，但那天看了这句，就傻傻地买下了这条链子、架上了十字，希望可以帮助你.......很多朋友看见我戴上了十字，觉得我是基督教，又或者是要炫给人看，随他们 怎么想吧!!架上它，是希望可以帮你赎清一切会让你对这里留恋的事情，很傻吧？但也只是希望你离开也可以离开得安心。。。。虽然血癌拿走了你的生命，可也是你下一 个旅程的开端哦！你开心的离开吧，说不定以后你还会成为我的女儿哩！十字，我拿下来咯...你要开开心心哪！苑绮，你，看见了吗？我希望你在另一边也过得快乐 哦...可别忘记我.........

雷欧

家里那只松狮犬已从宠物店抱回来差不多两个月了。
从当初的当我仇人般，已变成和我很黏身了...
那死鬼，和我的关系已今非昔比。两者的关系根深蒂固...
我无法想象，如果与它分开会怎样...
第一天带它回来时，好象很怕我，看到我时会发出低沉的声音。把它包进家里，送给我的第一份大礼，就是在我家客厅镶上黄金砖。当时可是被骂了。帮它起笼子，可说是花了九牛二虎之力，手还增加了不少伤口。








雷欧现在的懒样
给它想名字，想得我都抓破头了。真是的，超麻烦的说。和朋友讨论，从中得到了灵感。既然它是松狮，何不给它取狮子座的英文名,LEO，呢？结果，就这样定下来了。和它过了许多日子，生活中的拼图，已画上了雷欧的身影......

变化

我不晓得，最近心底好像起了一些变化。。

已很久很久没更新了，最主要的还是这些困扰着我的事情。。

先说近来，一个认识已久的朋友，打从认识的第一天，已把他归类为超好朋友的一系列。但，开学至今，他让我越来越不认识他。他对我所说的每一句，每一个举动，都令我深信不疑，他是为了我好的。然而，这几个月，从各个朋友口中，从老师嘴中，传出了一句句，把他的谎言一层层的剥了下来，让我看见，深不见底的谎言。。。

他得罪了很多人，为他，我撕下了薄脸皮给探个究竟，因为我不相信这是事实。甚至给人怀疑，成为一个受秧池鱼。。。但事实摆在眼前，许多同学和多样有力的证据。证实了他是这样的一个人。和他的当面对质，让我觉得他说得很有道理，发觉我似乎怪错他了。真是对不起。。

可惜，他的事情让我引起了对他的注意，他暗地里所作出的一切小动作，让我一目了然。看清了他。。不知是不是我揭开他的疮疤，让他恼羞成怒。无中生有，给我盖上了莫须有的罪名，明明毫不相关，和他同职的人都如此说了，却给他掰成千古大罪。更甚的事，趁我不注意，在我眼皮子底下，将这怨罪，大势宣传。包括对我重要的朋友。幸亏，我还不至于不带眼识人，正因为这些朋友，我才了解到不给他出风头的后果。。。这事已过了很多天，但仍然给他谣传着。我看错他了。流言止于智者，希望风波尽快结束。

我与他，已无话可谈。他得罪的人，都当他透明了。期待着只有他要如何面对即将发生的事件。




聊点开心的，我与她的重逢。虽然是短短的暂别，却让我的思绪一天比一天乱。让我理解到，我已是泥足深陷。她大概还没意识到我对她的感觉，但我对她的感觉清楚了。激情于烈火中瞬间燃尽，窝藏于心底却能历久重新...... 虽不会发生，但心里对你的感觉是肯定的......把它说出来，应该不太可能。朋友近来的逝世，让我意识到生命的短暂、并了解到要把握机会的可能性。但，我仍然没有哪个勇气。我们之间的隔膜、之间的差距并不是那么容易打破的、她是多么的遥不可及。我尽量在她没有发觉间去了解她，她应该不知道。不间断的献殷勤，让我绞尽脑汁，只为搏红颜一笑，让我接下来的日子活得更有意义......但从中，我也新生起了妒嫉的私心。在她身边不断打转的男生，让我生了无名火。真是白痴......

虽在一起发展关系应是不太可能，但我只希望她能够活得开心快乐。当她发觉我在追着她的背影时，也将是我给自己架上背包，离开之刻.....不愿能与你海枯石烂、只愿和你曾经灿烂......

人的谎言？

在无常的世间里，无论要如何去避免，总有会碰上对你撒谎之人。那，人为什么要撒谎呢？我不了解，我也不明白。人何必要说谎？有零头赚么？有便宜捡么？我，并不清楚.......

人生所第一次碰上说谎的人，相信就是父母了。才刚出世不远久，父母已会说：“孩子，你真的很聪明！”他们都还没看过我们求学过程，为什么又知道呢？就算真的知道，那为什么当我们渐渐懂事后，却又在亲朋戚友面前说：“啊，你的孩子XXX啊，读书真棒，哪像我家的孩子，什么什么......”我靠，难道说是客套话之余，顺便训诫自己的孩子么？那打从一开始就不要说我们有多好多好啦！

在求学期间，又碰上了唇上擦满谎言唇膏的老师，有的老师常趁有一两位同学犯下鸡毛蒜皮的事时，就借题发挥，讲述他所谓的人生大道理，一讲就分分钟花上好几节的时间。由于父亲曾是华文文学教师，母亲又在小学当着级任老师，所以廷了解学校老师们的运作。所以叻，到底是长舌公/婆，想要拖着课业上的教学（后面一些来不及准备〕，还是真的是 “This is For Your Own Good!!”呢？........

现在有点懂事了，开始会分是非黑白了。当上辅导员后，开始大概能够了解到到底和我现在说话的这个人呢，是否在撒谎与否。可是有些人撒谎真是不眨眼睛，完全不知道是真是假......那当你知道事实真相后，要揭发他么，要揭穿他，摘下他的假面具么？并不知道.....也不想知道......

说回父母，现在他们应该没有对我做这种事情了。反而说，反过来我在对他们撒谎才对。爸爸想吃这道菜，没有明确地说出口，我便说我要吃，便叫下来了。到底是谁真正喜欢吃，菜一上桌，便只龙与凤。妈妈问，读书辛苦么？急急忙忙地回答不会，其实却常常都已抵达了悬崖边缘的阶段，只差还未跳下去，来个解脱。这些常常都会在不知觉状态下发生，当想起时，才发觉原来已说了谎。


说谎，其实可以是善意的，也有恶意的。善意的一句，会给需要的人带来多大的帮助，让之拥有活下去的意志。恶意的谎言，却可累人一世，让他身败名裂，你想得出的恶举，都可以实现。所以啊，一个谎言，究竟要如何用法，会害人还是帮人，都取决于你的双手之上哦！

人生几何？

活了十六年了，今年步入了第十七年，摆脱学业的枷锁的日子,已不久奕.......到现在为止，却仍为着自己的未来担心而飘浮不定.....父母、朋友不断抛来的相同问题不太想回答了。


上一年，太多太多的事情发生了。学业、课外、家庭和感情......从中理解到各种各样的事物，理解到其实我已渐渐步入了大人们的世界。只有电视连续剧会发生的事物，似乎也落在我身上了。其中值得一提的事，我的人际似乎扩展了。

红新月会
这班猪朋狗友，认识了好几年了。四年的岁月几乎都在一起度过。有试过吵嘴、有一起做过不堪入目的事情、一起吃宵夜、一起努力完成训练营、一起打闹、一起睡觉...太多太多了，我的生活早已无法与他们离开了。大家都已经是人生的一部分、想拆也拆不开。好像说得有点暧昧哩。



全中华
这是我人生第一次，自己独个儿，每家人陪伴下，下了吉隆坡去找这块未认识的新天地...当初有点怀疑，我做得来么？会不会找到排斥呢？来到后，才发觉，看来我的担心是多余的。这边的马大生（即营委们）打破了我们之间的隔膜，让我遇到形形色色、其他州属的同志们。大家开始时蛮吞吞吐吐的，这僵局最后还是解除了。四天三夜，大家都玩得很开心、很尽兴。最难忘的事，我这男子汉大丈夫竟流起泪水来了。哈哈！

看来要说的话，还需写多一段时间，下次再继续分享吧！
P.S.因为还有事情要忙啦！不好意思...

上帝的愚弄

传说上帝创造人类时，
因担心所创造的生物寂寞，
而将之分成了两半，
即我们常说的亚当与夏娃。

但，禁果上留下齿痕之时，也证明了人类的丑陋......

上帝何必创造一个不完全的世界？有时我会想，人生意义何在？？
这是它给予人的考验吗？